I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
