we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
