and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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