I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I cut my penus on the lid.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
