1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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