just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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