all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
