What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
