i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I supernannyed him into submission
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize