at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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