He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
