Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
