to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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