i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
