maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
