And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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