You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
