the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
