oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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