If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
is wine microwaveable?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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