mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
