Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
