i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
