Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
