Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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