walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
