The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
