she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
