The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
