I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
