Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
