If that was your dad, he is hot
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
