and my herpes radar will keep us safe
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
