After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
