this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
