Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
