I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
