That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
