Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
