i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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