Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
