fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
