the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I supernannyed him into submission
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