Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
