i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize