First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
