Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
