Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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