seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We named our party play list daddy issues
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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