Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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