What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
