i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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