dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
50% drunk capacity currently
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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