we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
