Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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