Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
