Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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