the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
