Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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