I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
