thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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