Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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