Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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