I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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