The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
