all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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