how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
