do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
