Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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