He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
