I didn't shave. On purpose
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
