I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
