How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
