woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
