how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
