what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's never too late to be topless.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
