The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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