I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
