I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This is my gift to your gina
In other news, I just burned my penis
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
