I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
