Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
