I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
