Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
