What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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