So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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