Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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