It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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