"it" just moved
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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