eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize