we're blogging at a bar
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
