My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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