I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My vagina just clenched in fear
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
