i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
my liver is dry heaving
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
