Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize