it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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