Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
