I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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