no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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