Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize