dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
After tacos, we're chasing women.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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