my shit smells like andre
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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