You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
