I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
