Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
PANTIES FOUND
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
