girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
