So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
