I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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